Yes, you heard it here first. Dastardly do-bad-ers Amit and Marinda Misra have been stopped dead in their tracks in their attempt to prevent the calendar from rolling forth one year. Our story starts on the day after Christmas...
It was 2011. It had been a good year. And Amit and Marinda didn't want that year to end. They needed more time, which incidentally is what they're serving now. Who? Amit and Marinda. What? Preventing 2012. When? Before 2012 happened on its own. Where? Everywhere evil is present. Why? No logic can penetrate the depths of their depravity.
December 26, 2011, the day after Christmas. I was working late, as usual. Who am I, you ask? Look at the sign on my door. The name's Durandal. Durandal Lion, privately adorable investigator of all things related to treats. It started out like it usually does, as rumors. Rumors of the most sinister plot ever imaginable. A plot to prevent 2012.
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| Durandal Lion, PI |
Amit and Marinda were on my radar. They spent the first part of this week 'being sick.' I've never known an agent of evil to take a sick day. That's how I knew they were up to no good. How do I know they were, are and ever will be agents of evil? Just look at this picture of them.
After a few days of plotting they put their plan into motion. Their plan to prevent 2012. What's the big deal, you might ask. Here's the big deal. There's a whole world out there that depends on clocks doing their job. And the only way that was going to happen was if I did my job.
I started following them around. No big deal, just tailing them, being inconspicuous, the usual thing. They went to the California Academy of Sciences. They spent some time trying to lead me astray, visiting the planetarium, the rainforest, the Living Roof. They even ate lunch. Did you know the bad guys eat normal food just like you and me? Think about that next time you're at the Taco Bell. That guy in front of you, probably a maniac. The person behind you, could be a psychopath. Just sayin'.
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| At the rain forest |
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| Claude the albino alligator |
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| They had reindeer! |
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| Amit and Marinda at a scenic viewpoint...of evil |
But I knew their real motive for driving out there - to see Claude, the albino alligator. I'm an albino, just like Claude, but you can never trust an alligator. Write that down. Good life lessons. I couldn't hear the conversation they had with Claude, but I'm assuming it went something like this:
A&M: Claude, we need your help to ruin everyone's lives
Claude: Your promise me to get me my color back.
A&M (lying): Of course. We'll be able to do anything ONCE WE STOP THE NEW YEAR! (evil laughing)
So Claude sold out. He gave them the secret codes to the world's calendar. Didn't know that existed, did you? Well, you're not supposed to.
I followed them the next day to go see the new Mission Impossible movie. They must have been getting ideas for sneaking around and using technology. I liked the movie, but you know, it was all for the job. The popcorn and yogurt drops I got were just part of disguise.
The next day they snooped around. Marinda went shopping, most likely for rascally weaponry. They had the codes, all they needed was to break in to the secret location of the world calendar. Marinda got several suspicious pieces of clothing. She claimed that she needed 'maternity clothes' but I knew what she was really hiding under that shirt - the secret ingredients to their plan.
Later they went to a party filled with co-conspirators under the guise of a wedding reception. But I knew that was the final step in their plan. Just look at them being all 'romantic' in this picture. More likely plotting the most devious deception the world has ever known.
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| At the reception, with the boardwalk in the background |
I kept waiting for their next move. After all, it was New Year's Eve. I must have blown my cover, because the move didn't come. They didn't budge. They stayed home on New Year's Eve. They even watched the ball drop and pretended to celebrate. But I saw in their eyes their true emotions - they were filled with horrid joy at the secret they knew - that the next day the clocks would turn back.
Today was the last day, the day I caught them and saved the world. Right that down - 'I, Durandal Lion, saved the universe.' Makes a great headline. They spent all day putting their plan into motion - trying to get me off the trail by going to church, followed by Amit cooking up diabolical daal and a contemptible curry. Then at last I got them. I managed to sneak in two potential co-conspirators to meet with Amit and Marinda behind two closed doors. Posing as 'old friends hoping to catch up' I got them to record their conversation. I got their plan all on tape. I know what this codeword 'baby' is. They were trying to destroy civilization, and they said 'when the baby comes'. I knew what it meant though.
I had everything I needed to nab these crooks once and for all. I presented my evidence to Ma and Pa Mitchell and they took care of it. As of tomorrow, Amit and Marinda are getting shipped off to this prison/resort in Monterrey. The best part is, they think they're getting a gift! Isn't that just the pie crust to take the cake.
And that, as they say, was all he wrote.
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